Complicated by Words
Camden,
Words are said to be powerful… I disagree. Especially since you’re 18 months old and probably find them incredibly frustrating. That’s cool with me though. They frustrate me too.
You’ve got a selection of words that make perfect sense to me when you say them. “mama”, “dada” and “baba” are all pretty easy for me to figure out.
You know what else is easy for me?
That adorable arm raise and nasally “rrreeaaaagh” you belt out when you see an elephant or we ask you what one does. It melts me.
Sometimes you confuse me though. I know, I know… You’re shocked to learn that the same person who knows the magical sequence of buttons required to play Bunnytown cannot understand what you’re saying sometimes. But it’s completely true. Don’t worry though, I’ll keep trying.
It’s your use of “ah-rah!” that really trips me up these days. I hear you use it dozens of times each day and I never know exactly what you mean by using it. One moment it’s the DVD you want to watch. Then the grapes you see on the counter and want to inhale. The next? It’s the cat’s tail you’re chasing after and hoping to get a firm grip on. Again.
My favorite use of ah-rah though is when your running down the beach with your arms flailing around, chasing seagulls that always move away at the very last second. You’re so determined that we could run down the beach for miles…
I think ah-rah is your universal language of the moment. It means any number of things and at any given moment, it can adapt for something new.
It makes me wonder if you know what I’m trying to say to you sometimes. I wonder if you know what it is I’m whispering in your ear when you’re sitting in my lap and we’re watching TV together.
You know what a bink, bottle, train and car is when I say those words. I also know that when I ask you to, you can easily point to your ears, nose, belly, eyes and your… well never mind.
There are many times when I say things without words to you. I say them with a hug, a rub of your back, pinch on the nose or a look into your eyes.
And I hope you understand them.
I worry that you will one day think I don’t care enough because I don’t use my words with you. That’s not at all true.
When we’re cuddled up on the sofa early in the morning watching TV, my hug is my way to let you know I’m right there with you. Awake, but not really. Tired, but not sleeping. Groggy, but not ready to clear the cobwebs and start the day.
…And when you go to bed and I give you a hug and a kiss on the forehead… It’s my way of wishing that you’re going to sleep well, have sweet dreams and sleep soundly without your teeth waking you up again.
But when you run up to me and hug me back, it’s the best feeling ever. That’s my seagull chase. That’s what I live for. It’s why I’ll always do anything for you…
You’re my little man. My ah-rah.